CHAPTER FIVE

Game Castle on Laurel Canyon and Sherman Way, God’s gift to gamers all over the Valley, opened at 8am, Monday through Friday, and 10am on the weekends. Any game, any console, any controller, in any color, any true warrior of video games would want, they sold at reasonable prices.

We were waiting in Game Castle’s parking lot at 6 in the morning, Tuesday, April 16th, 2004. Battlecry Online, was on the racks, live, and we wanted to be the first to play it.

“Man, this better be worth it. I got work in a couple of hours.” said, Jack, shivering, 6am morning air turning his breathe into frost.

“Trust me, mang,” said, Oliver, smiling, rubbing his hands for warmth. “This shit is worth it!”

“Didn’t you beta test this?” Asked, Rick, taking a puff from his cigarette, exhaling mixing with the frost. “Fuck, it’s cold…”

“Yeah, man. I did.” Oliver said. “Dude! There’s a jump button!”

“Shut the fuck up!” I said, excitedly. No MMORPG had a jump button. The programmers hadn’t been able to compensate for that. “That’s fucking crazy!”

“Crazy like a fox, my friends.” Xavier said. “Sounds like there’ll be a lot of terrain advantages.”

“That there will be, dude!” said, Oliver, excitment increasing. “Man, I don’t even want to tell you about the kinds of insane drops they got in that game!”

“Man, dude, man!” Said, Bob anticipating. “What character you guys gonna play?”

“I’ll probably be a rogue.” replied, Oliver, almost thinking to himself. “But I gotz ta get my dwarf on!”

“Dwarves can be rogues in this game?” I asked, inquistively.

“Hell yeah, Corn! Hell-motherfucking-yes they can!” Oliver said, almost jumping out of his huddled position.

“Man, that sounds pretty dope.” said, Jack, smiling. “I think I’m gonna try out a paladin. Heroic warrior that heals peoples wounds. Sounds like my kind of character.”

“Yo, man, you ain’t going to work today.” Oliver said to Jack. “Once you make that pally, you ain’t going to sleep for a week!”

“I have to.” reluctantly replied, Jack. “It’s payday.”

“Man, you can pick up your check on, Monday!” said, Bob. “You are one of us! Get your game on, Jack!”

“How would you know about paychecks?” said, Xavier sarcastically. “You’ve never worked a day in your life.”

I chuckled.

“What the fuck are you laughing at, Corn?” said, Bob. “You don’t even know how to drive a car, fool!”

Everyone else laughed.

“Man, that druid class sounds bad, though.” said, Rick. “shape-changing to different animals and shit. Man, I think I’m gonna try it.”

“Yeah, man.” replied, Oliver. “Sounds nas-tay! And they can heal, too.”

“I ain’t gonna heal no one, man.” said, Rick, “I’m just gonna go animal style!”

“Hey, Rick,” began, Bob. “Lemme get a cigarette.”

Rick hands, Bob a cigarette.

“Thanks, man.” Bob, said, eyeing, Xavier.

“Can dwarves be hunters?” I asked.

“Yup.” smiled, Oliver. “You gonna roll a hunter?”

“He’s gonna roll a huntard!” said, Bob.

Everyone laughed. Except me.

“Yeah,” I said, trying to ignore, Bob. “Sounds kind of interesting. A dwarf with a rifle and a pet. Just dwarf and his best friend against the rest of the world.”

“Very poetic, my friend.” exclaimed, Xavier, pulling out one of his cigarettes. “I, myself, have decided, this very moment, to be the master of mystical arts. His name shall be, Rune. And he will be the doom of all the Legion!”

“Lightning bolt to that ass!” said, Oliver. “Fireball to the dome!”

We all laughed out loud.

We’d been friends for a little more than a decade. Gone through a lot with each other. And not just games or comic books or anime. But with life. All from the Valley. All grew up with each other. Always there for each other. A crew above all else.

When, Bob got thrown in jail for breaking and entering, we rounded up all the money we could to bail him out. When, Oliver was possessed by heroine, we were there to make sure he would be exorcised. When, Rick found out his wife was cheating on him with a used car salesman, we all went to the dude-mistress’ house and kicked the shit out of him, ate some of his donuts, and pissed on his used Mercedes Benz. Then we paid for a good divorce attorney. We were close. Because of history. Because of location. Because of fate. We were a crew.

“Man, ya know we could roll around as a guild?” asked, Oliver.

“What do you mean?” asked, Jack.

“In-game, you can form these things called guilds.” Began, Xavier, wringing his hands warm. “It’s basically a tag where everyone else literally sees which group you belong to. It floats right over your head. It’s like showing which group you belong to. I said that twice didn’t I? It’s fucking cold. Anyway, people call them guilds. I was in one called, Weed Smokers United. As you can tell by the name, we didn’t do shit.”

“Yeah, me and, Rick were in one called, Legends Extreme.” I said. “That was in Forever Adventures. They were cool.”

“Sounds stupid.” said, Jack. “The name’s that is. The fact you can form these guilds is kind of cool.”

“I was in one called, The Dragoncats.” Bob said. “Gay sounding but some alright dudes.”

“Ya know, since this is the first game all of us are playing together, we should form our own guild.” suggested, Oliver. “It doesn’t take much to start. I’ll start it. I just don’t want to be leader.”

“You be leader, Xavier.” said, Bob. “You like telling people what to do anyway.”

“Not me. I’m just the talent!” Xavier smiled. “Jack’s new to the whole MMO thang,  so why not, Rick. I’d follow him to hell and back.”

“And we have.” said, Jack.

We all laughed out loud.

“Sure.” said, Rick. Good old, Rick. “It’s fucking cold.”

“Why don’t we call ourselves, The Player Haters?” quipped, Xavier.

We all laughed.

“That kind of makes sense though, right?” continued, Xavier. “We’re, literally players. Players of the game. And we kind of hate a lot of the nerds that play these games.”

“Because, man, they say some dumb shit sometimes.” said, Bob. “One time this dude named, Junglefever, asked me if I wanted to meet up in real life. I was like, man, you better shut the fuck up and keep that mobs aggro.”

“Yeah, but, man,” said, Oliver. “They’re not like us, ya know? They don’t get girls. Or play sports. Or even have a tan from the sun. Most of them are virgins, who can’t drive, and eat microwavable pizzas all day long.”

It got quiet real quick. I close my eyes in embarrassment.

“No offense, Corn.” said, Oliver apologetically.

Oh man…

“So that’s my point.” Jumped in, Xavier, relieving me from that moment. “We’re players of the game. And we hate on stupid people. Player Haters seem appropriate, don’t you think? It’s like an inside joke. And a funny ass guild name, to boot.”

“Hahahaha!” cackled, Bob. “That’s cool with me.”

“I like it.” Said, Rick.

“I’m down.” Said, Jack.

“Sure.” I said.

“Cool.” Said, Oliver. “We’ll rock, The Player Haters flag. Woe to any orc that stands in our way, homies.”

We stood there looking at each other. Gamers, sure. Comic book collectors, of course. Nerds, only by trade. But more than anything, we were just a bunch of guys who liked hanging out with each other. Who’ve been with each other for a long, long, time. I think no matter what we did, we’d still be friends. Divorce, drugs, jail, Battlecry Online, whatever. We were a crew. And that’s all we needed.

“We’re not going to do some cheesy, hands in, high fiving shit they do in the movies are we?” asked, Jack.

They all laughed. Because my hand was already in.

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